Further On Up the Road

Goofy roadside attractions are one of the things that makes our country great. They are kitschy. Cheesy. Sometimes disappointing. Other times, surprising. Always a lot of fun. You should be required to stop at at least one, on every road trip.

The aptly-named 'Skeleton Walking Dinosaur'

South Dakota, for some bizarre reason, seems to be flooded with them. They are everywhere. Or maybe it just seems like they're everywhere, because South Dakota is so vast and wide open, and there's really nothing else to do. Anywhere. Just roadside attraction after roadside attraction. And they all seemed to be old. Most of them had been around 50 or more years. Some looked like they hadn't been updated once. Others barely looked open. Every few exits another one popped up. Prairie Dog Town. Reptile Garden. Flinstone's Bedrock City. Perhaps they all just existed in an attempt to cash in on the 3 million visitors who roll into Rushmore every year. There were Dances With Wolves Movie Props. The 1880 Town. (not to be confused with the entirely different) 1880 Cowboy Town. They were everywhere.

It's easy to figure out which ones you want to stop and visit, because they all share one common approach. Massive billboard campaigns. Their signs dot the landscape as if they were a native plant, or state tree, common to the area. They bludgeon you over the head with their repetitiveness. By the time you reach their appropriate exits, you feel like you HAVE to stop. So, we did just that.

First up was the impressive, and well advertised Wall Drug Store, in Wall, South Dakota. What started as a small drug store over 80 years ago, has transformed into a giant 76,000 square foot American experience. The tiny town of Wall seems to exist just for this store, but unlike the twine ball, this attraction didn't disappoint. What appeared to be one big city block filled with stores, is really just one huge connected store. Wall Drug had just about every souvenir you could ever imagine, and then some.

Annie Get Your Gun

Besides a bunch of souvenir junk, there were also plenty of  funny photo ops in the place. A giant jackelope. A T-Rex. Several different wood carvings of famous Old West characters. It gave us a chance to explain to the girls about famous outlaws, and gunfighters of the Old West. Billy the Kid. Wild Bill Hickock. Annie Oakley. They wondered why all of them looked so angry.
 Later they came running across the store to inform us they had finally found "A pretty lady!"
"Come see it!" they pleaded.


I'm pretty sure she was a prostitute.

Or possibly just a tavern floozy.

Most likely a prostitute, though.

Pretty, indeed girls.

So far so good on the quality of the roadside stops. Next up, was the one and only Corn Palace, located in Mitchell, SD. Mitchell is a prairie town that is corn crazy and proud of it. It's high school sports teams are the Kernels, and its local radio station's call letters are KORN.  Touted as the "agricultural showplace of the world," the Corn Palace is just that. A palace made of corn. Each year, the towns people come together and re-decorate the exterior of the building with new pictures and artwork, all made completely from corn.



Originally constructed in the late 1800's, the building is now more than just a novelty in the center of the town. It is the focal point of the town itself. Inside the palace is a full-sized gymnasium where the locals gather to cheer on their favorite teams. We just so happened to stop by during a basketball tournament, and the place was packed. It just seemed natural to have corn artwork on the walls, and not goofy or cheesy at all.


The rest of the roadside stops now seemed even less interesting after these two. I mean, the Pioneer Auto Museum might be great and all (did the pioneers even drive cars?), but it was no palace made of corn that could host a basketball tournament. You see Wall Drug and The Corn Palace were more than just goofy roadside stops. Maybe originally they were. But over the years, they changed. They grew. They expanded. They adapted. They became super-awesome goofy roadside stops.

And we loved them for that.

Four Big Guys and One Bad Place

The Avenue of Flags

 Following our short stay in Colorado, it was off to the Black Hills of South Dakota for our next adventure. After driving across W(ind)yoming for the second time, we headed for the town of Keystone, at the base of Mount Rushmore. After a fun-filled night in the hotel pool, we woke up early and headed off to the one National Monument that is truly America personified.

It was big. A bold work of art. Impressive in scope, with likenesses that were uncanny for their size. It represents everything that makes our country great. The presidents; Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln, represent the first 130 years of American history. These presidents were selected because of their role in preserving the Republic and expanding its territory.




From 1927 to 1941, Danish-American sculptor Gutzon Borglum and 400 workers carved the colossal 60 foot high carvings in the granite rock of the Black Hills. Using scale models that constantly needed to be changed, Borglum orchestrated a crew of men to create his vision. Problems arose along the way. Jefferson was originally to be to the left of Washington. But, when there wasn't enough good rock on that side, he moved him to the right. Roosevelt's likeness was forced back further than the rest, due to inconsistent rock surface. The sculptures were supposed to continue on down to their waists, but funding ran out, leaving just their heads.

Couldn't see if it was made by 'Acme'

Hanging from harnesses off the mountain, the workers jack hammered, carved, and smoothed the faces of our leaders. 
The girls were fascinated to learn how they used dynamite to carve 90% of the memorial. There was even a detonating plunger hooked up to a TV monitor, where they got to simulate blowing up parts of the mountain. "Just like the coyote uses on the roadrunner, right Poppa?"

Sometimes they make me so proud.

After a history-filled afternoon, we took a scenic drive through nearby Badlands National Park. "Why is it called the Badlands?" the kids all asked. The answer was simple. Years ago, frustrated French fur traders labeled the area "bad lands to traverse," and the term "badlands" came to describe any area with similarly topography. Nowadays, there is a beautiful scenic road that takes you through the entire park, but we could imagine what they must have experienced.

The land is barren. Virtually no vegetation exists anywhere. Heavy water erosion and frost have carved the land into pinnacles and other fantastic geological formations. The rocks are constantly changing, eroding at a rate of about an inch a year. These sharp and rugged rocks seemed extraterrestrial at times. Like we were driving along the surface of the moon. It was awesome.



We had to hurry, as the short amount of winter daylight was quickly fading. Rain showers were dotting the skies as well. This combination lead to some breathtaking sunset panoramas, and even a rainbow on the horizon. Not too bad for the Badlands.

Awesomeness.